Diary of a BDSM Slave

To the person who recently submitted several private questions to my blog: I cannot answer without broadcasting both question and response to anyone reading my page. Due to the very personal nature of your questions, I will have to refrain from responding.

If you would like to carry on a discussion, please send your messages to my gmail account (I do not know yours).

Now and Then

Some days are fabulous, and other days it feels like I am being stabbed in the heart. I have done what I know is right for me and for my future, and I look forward to each new day. But at the same time, I miss my lovable old Man, and I worry about Him constantly.

I know that He is not doing well, and there is nothing I can do to help. He needs me now more than ever, and I cannot be there for Him. This is a big adjustment for someone who has spent the last four years caring for a Master.

I know in my heart that I did the best I could in the given situation, but that does not diminish the pain.

I hope for His sake that He can move on with grace, and I hope for my own sake that He will one day come to see my side of the story.

I love You, my old Man. I have a feeling that You are reading this, and I want to tell You that I miss You in my life.

I just found this blog and it is interesting. You sound like a great slave but I have had friends here in Vancouver that have told me you deceived your master when you broke up. I am having a hard time figuring out which is the real you. No offence intended.
Anonymous

Wow. People talking about me in Vancouver. How interesting.

The truth is that no one knows what happened between me and Him, except me and Him. And it shall stay that way, as far as I am concerned.

If you would like to ask me anything more specific, please send me a private message here or on FetLife.

Things I’ve Learned From “The Scene”

I posted this on FetLife, and it got an overwhelmingly positive response, so I thought I would share it here as well.

In no particular order…

1) Never take anything at face value. Things are always more than what they seem.

2) You will be wrong. The sooner you learn how to accept it gracefully, the better off you will be.

3) Your friends will be wrong. It doesn’t matter who they are, how long they’ve been in the scene, or what their orientation is. They will still be wrong from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve your respect.

4) Allegiances are meaningless. If you are loyal to one person or group, and your friends are loyal to another, don’t worry about it. They are right to feel the way they do, and so are you. No single person or group is all good or all bad.

5) Popularity is fleeting. All those friend requests, comments, and “loves” are nice and flattering, but don’t read more into them than you should. There will always be someone who comes along that is smarter/prettier/younger/kinkier than you. Enjoy your place in the spotlight while it lasts, and don’t be heartbroken when it passes.

6) Your integrity is all you have. In kink, just as in life, integrity is everything. Look it up. Learn what this word means.

7) Respect the journey. If you get the opportunity to try out a new kink, explore it, savour it, and then thoroughly examine your feelings about it. If you don’t, you will live to regret it.

8) You are not a snowflake. Whatever you’re going through, chances are there is someone else who has gone through something very similar. Make friends and connections and draw upon the experiences of others. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

9) Protect your heart. People can be cruel (yourself included). If someone criticizes you or your kink, think about what they’ve said, but don’t let it consume you.

10) Judge not, lest ye be judged. Refer to number 1, 2, 3, 4, and 9 on this list.

A few questions... Hope im not annoying... When did you get into BDSM and the idea of a m/s relationship? How would someone find another interested in m/s? Have you ever met others in this lifestyle? If you have kids how or would you ever discuss this with them? One more... Do you only enjoy bdsm scenes or both bdsm and a touch of vanilla... Like "making love"?
Anonymous

Oh boy, that is a lot of questions!

Let’s see…

1) There have always been elements of BDSM in my sex life, but I became fully immersed in the lifestyle a little over four years ago. I got into a 24/7 M/s relationship very quickly. In fact, when people jump in as quickly as I did, it is often frowned upon in kink culture. I was just one of the lucky ones for whom it “just fit”.

2) FetLife! Don’t waste your time on Craigslist or dating sites. Most people on there are just looking for a quick hook-up with someone into the kinkier side of things. FetLife is not a dating site, but it is a great way to find out what’s going on in your area and meet friends and potential partners. It is also a fantastic learning resource.

3) All of my friends are involved in kink. See above.

4) I don’t have kids, but if I did, I would not discuss it with them. It is possible to have a power exchange dynamic without it being obvious to the casual (or underage) observer.

5) I enjoy sex and intimacy just as much as the next person. I happen to like pain as well, but there is a time and a place for everything.

Help me get rid of the spammers!

So, a while ago I had a serious problem with my Hotmail account getting hacked and sending out spam to all my contacts. I ended up closing the account, but the hackers keep getting in, and Microsoft has been zero help.

Even though I have changed my email address and my Tumblr password, the spammers are somehow accessing and posting to my blog! Grrr…

Do any of my followers know how to get rid of them?? If so, I would really appreciate your help with this annoying problem!

when were you lasted fucked? was it by your master or did he share you?

What could possibly make you think that it’s okay to ask such a question? I’m not here to provide “wank fodder” for the unwashed masses, and I’m not about to start now. 

are you allowed to masturbate by your Master ?

Yes, but only with permission.

Just out of curiosity, what are your phobias or fears?
Anonymous

Spiders and sharks! :O

Reading about your past hard limits makes me wonder, does it scare you? Why risk your life (with breath play, for example)? Your Master is human (and to err is human), and no one can truly be an expert in any of these dangerous activities when it comes to safety.
Anonymous

Yes, it does sometimes scare me, but that is part of the rush. There is always the potential for permanent harm, but for me it falls into the category of “acceptable risk”. We practice R.A.C.K., which is “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. It’s not for everyone, but it works for us.