Diary of a BDSM Slave
Things I’ve Learned From “The Scene”

I posted this on FetLife, and it got an overwhelmingly positive response, so I thought I would share it here as well.

In no particular order…

1) Never take anything at face value. Things are always more than what they seem.

2) You will be wrong. The sooner you learn how to accept it gracefully, the better off you will be.

3) Your friends will be wrong. It doesn’t matter who they are, how long they’ve been in the scene, or what their orientation is. They will still be wrong from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve your respect.

4) Allegiances are meaningless. If you are loyal to one person or group, and your friends are loyal to another, don’t worry about it. They are right to feel the way they do, and so are you. No single person or group is all good or all bad.

5) Popularity is fleeting. All those friend requests, comments, and “loves” are nice and flattering, but don’t read more into them than you should. There will always be someone who comes along that is smarter/prettier/younger/kinkier than you. Enjoy your place in the spotlight while it lasts, and don’t be heartbroken when it passes.

6) Your integrity is all you have. In kink, just as in life, integrity is everything. Look it up. Learn what this word means.

7) Respect the journey. If you get the opportunity to try out a new kink, explore it, savour it, and then thoroughly examine your feelings about it. If you don’t, you will live to regret it.

8) You are not a snowflake. Whatever you’re going through, chances are there is someone else who has gone through something very similar. Make friends and connections and draw upon the experiences of others. Don’t let your ego get in the way.

9) Protect your heart. People can be cruel (yourself included). If someone criticizes you or your kink, think about what they’ve said, but don’t let it consume you.

10) Judge not, lest ye be judged. Refer to number 1, 2, 3, 4, and 9 on this list.

A few questions... Hope im not annoying... When did you get into BDSM and the idea of a m/s relationship? How would someone find another interested in m/s? Have you ever met others in this lifestyle? If you have kids how or would you ever discuss this with them? One more... Do you only enjoy bdsm scenes or both bdsm and a touch of vanilla... Like "making love"?

Oh boy, that is a lot of questions!

Let’s see…

1) There have always been elements of BDSM in my sex life, but I became fully immersed in the lifestyle a little over four years ago. I got into a 24/7 M/s relationship very quickly. In fact, when people jump in as quickly as I did, it is often frowned upon in kink culture. I was just one of the lucky ones for whom it “just fit”.

2) FetLife! Don’t waste your time on Craigslist or dating sites. Most people on there are just looking for a quick hook-up with someone into the kinkier side of things. FetLife is not a dating site, but it is a great way to find out what’s going on in your area and meet friends and potential partners. It is also a fantastic learning resource.

3) All of my friends are involved in kink. See above.

4) I don’t have kids, but if I did, I would not discuss it with them. It is possible to have a power exchange dynamic without it being obvious to the casual (or underage) observer.

5) I enjoy sex and intimacy just as much as the next person. I happen to like pain as well, but there is a time and a place for everything.

Help me get rid of the spammers!

So, a while ago I had a serious problem with my Hotmail account getting hacked and sending out spam to all my contacts. I ended up closing the account, but the hackers keep getting in, and Microsoft has been zero help.

Even though I have changed my email address and my Tumblr password, the spammers are somehow accessing and posting to my blog! Grrr…

Do any of my followers know how to get rid of them?? If so, I would really appreciate your help with this annoying problem!

when were you lasted fucked? was it by your master or did he share you?

What could possibly make you think that it’s okay to ask such a question? I’m not here to provide “wank fodder” for the unwashed masses, and I’m not about to start now. 

are you allowed to masturbate by your Master ?

Yes, but only with permission.

Just out of curiosity, what are your phobias or fears?

Spiders and sharks! :O

Reading about your past hard limits makes me wonder, does it scare you? Why risk your life (with breath play, for example)? Your Master is human (and to err is human), and no one can truly be an expert in any of these dangerous activities when it comes to safety.

Yes, it does sometimes scare me, but that is part of the rush. There is always the potential for permanent harm, but for me it falls into the category of “acceptable risk”. We practice R.A.C.K., which is “Risk Aware Consensual Kink”. It’s not for everyone, but it works for us.

You mention in another response that you used to have a long list of hard limits and that over the years your Master has helped you overcome most of them. Can you share what some of those hard limits were? What was the hardest to overcome?

Oh boy… It has been a while, but I will try to remember some of them…

In no particular order:

  • Hoods
  • Permanent scars
  • Breath play
  • Straight jackets
  • Anal hooks
  • Age play
  • Punching

This is by no means a complete list, but these are the ones I can recall at the moment. I would have to say that hoods were the hardest limit to overcome. They made me feel like I couldn’t breathe, and they instilled an instant feeling of panic. What helped the most was going slowly and being in a safe and comfortable environment. The first time I wore a hood, I just sat comfortably with no other bondage or play going on. That gave me time to adjust to the sensation and realize that I wasn’t actually in any danger of suffocating!

I have a heart of a slave and have chosen to be one for my Master. My only problem is that being a slave is something i never thought i would see myself becoming, yet my need has out weighed my mind and now need to grow into my role. Any advice on things i can do for myself in order to gain the discipline and knowledge i need to let myself go? I trust him, i trust myself, but have no idea what i am doing and i only want to please him.

"Letting go" takes time. The best thing you can do for now is to let him guide you. If he is new as well, I would suggest that he spend some time educating himself. Go to workshops and kink events, talk to people who have more experience, and do lots of reading.

Hi! In very interested in this kind on lifestyle but don't really know where I stand. Hopefully you can help me with this. My partner and I enjoy a s&m sexual relationship where I'm the submissive (I enjoy being punished and humiliated) but in our everyday life we enjoy a normal relationship. Is that normal? Does that mean I'm in a BDSM relationship? Thanks!

There are lots of people who are into S&M, but not into D/s. It’s totally normal - just a different kink. If you’re looking for labels, I would say that you are a “bottom” and (s)he is a “Top”. Beyond that, just have fun and enjoy your sexual exploration!